Since returning from L.A. I've thinking a great deal about my future. There are times when I lay in bed and cannot fall asleep because I'm too busy panicking.
While I'm excited and happy about Jumping The Broom, the reality is, it is one project. What happens next year? Will any of my other scripts sell? How will I pay my bills?
I read Diana's recent POST and had a moment (hopefully I can sustain it) of clarity. Diana and her husband, Micha, gave up very successful corporate careers and bought a ruin in Piemonte. How they transformed a "pile of rocks" into a beautiful home and B&B is incredible.
I have some control issues. Yes, living in Italy has forced me to slow down and "let go" a little. However, I still too easily work myself into a frenzy. Usually, I stress out about one thing, then it spirals into OH MY GOD WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME? WHY AM I STILL SINGLE? WHY AM I STILL BROKE? and on and on.
I usually keep these freak outs to myself so I don't scare my friends. Reading Diana's post I realized I'm going about things in the wrong way. I'm an optimistic person except when it comes to myself. I'm not sure why I dwell so much on what is not going on with my career and life. Is it some kind of Puritan guilt thing? My male Hollywood colleagues toot their own horns all the time. Even when they had nothing to do with a success of a particular project. ha
I've been procrastinating like crazy lately. I did have to write two treatments after my L.A. trip but after I finished them I've been very slow getting my new spec off the ground. Some days I feel so overwhelmed by all the things I need to do, I end up watching home renovation shows like Grand Projects/Grandi Progetti instead. Then I get depressed because I don't have a home to renovation. Then I think about why I don't have a home and spiral into a full blown existential crisis. This leads me to eat some San Carlo Rustica chips while I read home design and fashion blogs instead of working.
I need to get it together.
Like Diana said:
Learn From People Who Do Want You Want To Do
Fight For Your Inspiration From The Very Beginning
Obstacles Will Hone Your Skill Set
Enjoy Your Accomplishments
Very wise words.