That's what I kept repeating to myself last night.
Yesterday morning I felt great. I had written 12 pages for one spec rewrite and had a nice workout. Life was good.
That evening I fell to earth. My manager loved the writing on my latest spec (that would be spec number 3) but said the script was "too inside baseball". Continuing with the same metaphor, this is strike number three.
I lost it. I totally start crying while my manager said just keep writing.
It didn't help that early I read Melissa's blog Women & Hollywood. One nice little statistic that jumped out at me was less than 10% of Hollywood movies are written by women. That is ridiculous! She was quote in an article that was slamming the recent horrendous "chick flicks" that have come out lately. Here is a link that story.
It seems my commercial sensibilities are out of sync with what Hollywood wants right now. The spec market is dead. We are still recovering from the Writers strike, add what one A-list writer said about making it as a screenwriter to the mix, "it's best to be a young, rich, white male" and it's not looking very good for this ragazza.
I gave myself 2009 to be my make or break year because I can't continue to do this for much longer financially or mentally. I see pieces of crap scripts getting bought left and right. So hearing you write well means pretty much nothing if no one cares about the subjects you write about. grrrr.
Last night I had a strange dream. I was in some incredible house listening to a DJ. This man walked in and stabbed the host. I ran to another room and locked the door but he broke in by punching a hole in the window pane glass. I hauled ass with a few other people and ended up on the Rome metro/subway. This was strange because the party looked like it was in a Hampton's house and everyone at the party was American.
I have no idea what the heck that dream means. ha
I work up super early today and rewrote 15 pages. I feel good about them. The sun is finally out. I'm going to download some new music, go on a run and just keep freaking writing.
This year will be a good year. It has to be.