As my brother would say, "Not a good look." Yesterday a friend called me to talk about some work stuff and a guy she met. She went out with an actress friend of ours to a Hollywood hotspot and had a great time. She mentioned a well respected, talented foriegn actor (and very good looking one). When I figured out the actor and the guy she met was one in the same, I told her I had to go. I couldn't believe how salty I was. I did call her back once I got home and apologized.
Okay what was wrong with me? Yes, I like many other women think this guy is smoking, but it's not as if I know him. It was so random of all the men , why is she hooking up with him? This is one of my friends who complains about not dating in L.A. However, she is very confident. I thought about my reaction some more and I think I just don't get it. What kind of energy am I putting out there? I have a great group of friends, so it's not like I'm anti-social but men never talk to me here. I'm invisible.
Another friend at a dinner party told me my name came up during a meeting at her agency. The male agent said nice things about me (regarding smarts), but also added that I was intimidating. What? I have had one lunch with him and several phone calls. He is one of the most intelligent guys I've met out here. Great taste and very well read. My brother said the same thing to me years ago but I told him he was tripping. I can't count how many women I knew in DC who said they weren't dating because they were too intimidating. That was not the reason. I am not one of those women who set impossibly high standands and then complain when no men can reach them.
Where is this "intimidating" stuff coming from? My friend from the dinner party said there is a super girly thing going on in the culture and L.A. is the extreme of this. I don't come across helpless or silly. Anyone who has read this blog knows I can be very silly but I do notice when I leave the country are things different. It makes no sense, I'm still the same person. I think of the Susan character on DES. HOUSEWIVES and I see what my friend is saying. The character is a 40 something woman but acts like a dumb ass teenager. All giggly and super insecure. Why must we have two extremes, either women are emasculating bitches or dim, non-threatening pretty girls? I don't know any women like that.
That said maybe there is some non-approachable vibe I'm giving off. I have heard the "intimidating" thing one too many times. I remember being very offended when a good friend said I was the black Miranda. Hello, I would like to think I make better clothing choices and I am not that cynical, angry, agressive or successful. As a creative person I thought she would say I was more Carrie-ish without the immaturity, poor spending habits or the occasional what the fuck is she wearing outfits.
I have to go to an industry party tonight. A friend is dragging me and I'd rather stay home and work on my book. While I am looking to seeing some people I haven't seen for a minute, I hate spending Friday nights talking about the biz. It's going to be a very frat boy crowd, a lot of "I'm a player with my leased Mercedes and best friends with such and such star." These "parties" are not fun.
I'm going to try a little experiment. I will buy a new outfit and walk into that restaurant and treat it like it's a party, not a networking event. Let others work the room and try to one up each other. I will seek out my friends, have a few drinks and who knows, maybe have a good time.